Gaytheist: Coming Out of My Orthodox Childhood

Gaytheist Q&A with Lonnie Mann

Gaytheist is such a great title! What is your relationship to religion at this point in your life?

I did find my way along a winding road from believing in various types of Judaism, through agnosticism, and eventually to atheism. Many people who've left orthodox Judaism or other religions continue to find joy and meaning from traditions they grew up with, often by customizing them to their current values. But personally, I avoid all religious activities, holidays, etc. They just no longer hold any value for me.

How do you create a sense of community in your life?

My sense of community comes primarily from my friends, who are mostly queer nerds! I'm very fortunate to have friends all over the world at this point in my life. My partner and I currently live in Japan, and many of our friends have even made the trip here to visit us. Here in Tokyo, we go to queer meetups like picnics and art events, and we’ve been making all sorts of friends that way.

If you could go back and talk to the young Lonnie from the book, what would you like to say to him?

There are so many things I'd love to be able to tell my younger self. I'd want to open his eyes to another point of view about love and relationships, and to show him how puritanical and unhealthy the conservative ideas I was raised with were. I'd want to help him understand about neurodiversity. And I'd also want to protect him from the dynamics of narcissistic parents and tell him not to trust or come out to mine.

Who do you think will enjoy your book, and what kind of impact do you hope this book might have on your readers’ lives?

I hope it connects with all sorts of readers, any queer folks stuck in a homophobic environment, but also more broadly, anyone who has found themselves in a religion, culture, or family that rejects them for who they are and tries to force them to be (or to pretend to be) someone they’re not. I hope this book makes them feel less alone.